Wednesday, 18 December 2013

RANDOM TRUTH - 10 Truths about Chi-mas.

The Reason for the Season

Santa is leader of the "Let's put the Ho back into ChristHOmas" campaign, and this is the origin of his catchphrase "HO, HO, HO".  Exactly who Chris Thomas is is still debated by scholars and academics.

War on Christmas

The War on Christmas is real, and is a secret plan by Martians who have infiltrated all levels of Earth society as a complicated plan of revenge on Santa after their 1964 defeat (see Santa Claus Conquers the Martians for details.)

The True Meaning of X-mas

The X in X-mas comes from the Greek letter Chi, Christ's initial.  It is a little known fact that that X is The X-Men is also short for The Christ-Men and the X in The X-Files is short for The Christ-Files.

The Evil Version of Santa

Although the Krampus (an evil creature of Alpine folklore who punishes bad children) was originally black, he is now exclusively white after Megyn Kelly declared it to be so.

The Evil Version of Satan

A lot is made of the similarities between Santa Claus and Lucifer.  Santa is an anagram of Satan, and unsurprisingly Satan is also an anagram of Santa.  Satan is often called Old Nick, and Santa is based on St Nick.  Santa now almost exclusively wears red, Satan is often portrayed as being red in colour.  There are also alleged connections to break and enter and an unhealthy interest in children.  These, of course, are only coincidences and Satan has been a lot more careful with more recent disguises.

Workplace Bullying

Santa Claus is often depicted as having poor workplace policies (the Elves being slaves or sweat-shop workers).  However, he does have a strong anti-bullying stance.  A reindeer called Olive was removed from his employ for laughing at Rudolph and calling him names.

Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer

Medical experts have suggested that Rudolph is suffering from an extreme form of Rosacea, a condition in which excessive consumption of alcohol causes the nose be become red, and often results in Rhinophyma (a bulbous nose).  Rudolph is, in all likelihood, drunk when leading Santa's sleigh.


Yule, the pagan midwinter festival upon which Chi-mas is based is named after the internet spelling of "You'll".

The Wise Men

The Bible makes no statement about the number of Wise Men who visited the baby Christ.  Three is the assumed number, however there were actually four.  The one who brought gold, the one who brought frankincense, the one who brought myrrh and the one who complained bitterly he wasn't told that they were bringing gifts and could he chip in some money for the gold or something.

The Holiday Special

Although science fiction fans like to celebrate fictional events as real, there has been no movement by Star Wars fans to incorporate the Wookiee holiday "Life Day" into Christmas.  This is not as commonly thought because The Star Wars Holiday Special was actually a Thanksgiving Special, not a Christmas Special, but in fact because The Star Wars Holiday Special really sucked.

Wednesday, 11 December 2013


Monday 13th June 1977
Camp Scott Lodge, Mayne County, Oklahoma.

About 6am a camp counselor on her way to the showers finds the bound and bloody bodies of 3 girl scouts (ages 8, 9 & 10) in their sleeping bags 140 yards from their tent.

Cue the Horror Theme Music...

Gene Lerot Hunt, convicted rapist and kidnapper, who had been on the run after escaping from prison 4 years earlier was quickly suspected and a 10 month manhunt began.  During the manhunt Hunt's mother claimed that a local sheriff was trying to frame her son for the murders.  Eventually he was found in the home of a Cherokee medicine man who claimed that if Hunt was the real murder and was found innocent he'd die soon after.  Found not guilty, Hunt was returned to prison to complete his earlier sentence but died soon after.

Friday the 13th a film about murders at an abandoned summer camp was released in 1980.  The film states that Jason Voorhees' birthday is the 13th of June.
~ DUG.

Wednesday, 27 November 2013


Sometimes you see or hear things in the real world that just seem like the set-up of a horror film or the first few minutes of The X-Files.  This is one of those...

Wednesday, 20 November 2013

RANDOM TRUTH - 10 Things that Prove Doctor Who is Real

[A newer version of this post appears here.]

It's a stereotype that science fiction fans believe the shows they like are real.  It's a ridiculous claim because if it was true they'd call themselves science non-fiction fans.  The exception to this rule is Doctor Who fans (Whovians) not because there's something wrong with them, but because of all the proof that exists that Doctor Who is real...